It seems that these days, most people are wolves in sheep's clothing.. But why should someone spend their life being afraid of these predators? Why not grab the bull by the horns, and take control of your life.. Notice I didn't say "JUST grab the bull by the horns".. Let me explain.
In my experiences, men are the wolves, for the most part. Predators.. powerless little jerks who don't have any control in their own lives, so they take advantage of a woman who has weak or no boundaries. Weak boundaries are a major culprit for becoming an "easy target"..
What are boundaries? They are those invisible lines that most people who are very healthy, discuss openly, and do not hesitate to make clear to whomever needs some clarification. These are the people who are consistent disciplinarians.. Who have a strong appreciation for themselves, and are not afraid of speaking up and taking action, when warranted. They might have a system.. maybe three strikes.. or maybe they just kick a person to the curb at the first signs of bad behavior.. I personally am just now re-learning how my boundaries work.. and most importantly, how to work them to my advantage.
Boundaries are good.. Like, let's take a very simple example here, just for the heck of it- If I don't like drinking unsweetened tea, then the likelihood of drinking it is very slim. I would never choose to drink unsweetened tea, because I just don't like the way it tastes. That is a boundary, albeit a shallow one. Still- when given a choice between two perfectly equal drinks- sweet tea and unsweetened tea, I will choose the sweet stuff. I would most likely just chuck out a cup of unsweetened tea, and never let that vile stuff touch my lips, unless of course, I was extremely thirsty and had no other choices or options.
This sweet versus unsweetened tea situation is a good way to compare good men and bad men, and who we choose to keep in our lives. We know that there is a big difference between a good man and a bad man. We know that for some women, all of their exes are bad men.. but we are equally aware of her feelings for them during the relationship.. the idea that those men were good at heart men. Good at heart men who are bad men are still bad men, and for some women, it just takes a certain amount of BS to take place for her to reach her "limit", and leave him.
How much of this BS must a woman take from a man, before being considered a codependent, though? This is a question I believe I might ponder for the next day, or two, or three, before giving a good and rational response. Honestly, I just don't know. Maybe I still have a victim mentality- but the God's honest truth is, I just do not know the answer to that question. It is one that has been burning a hole in my soul for well over a year now.
My last boyfriend was very abusive, and used to beat me up regularly. It was the only relationship I ever had that I actually got "beat up" in. I had been abused, even physically abused, in almost all of my past relationships.. but this guy used FISTS. I never thought I would be one of those women who stayed with an abusive guy, who beat the crap out of me all the time, but I was that woman, and now I really need to look deeper, do some more soul searching, and figure out why I felt like I could help him, or felt indebted to him somehow. Beyond that, I want to try to figure out at what point, exactly, do I need to decide to call it quits, to avoid ongoing mental/ emotional/ physical and sexual abuse. My biggest question is probably inappropriate, and completely off base- but when is "having strict boundaries" a healthy and prosperous way to live, and at what point do your boundaries make you a complete "B" word.. or uptight??
Is it really better to be uptight and bitchy, with strong boundaries, or is it better to let things slide from time to time, even though they reach the upper limits on your "how much BS I can take"-ometer..
Begging the question.. I know the answers are within me.. Hopefully I will have some semblance of an answer in the next couple of days.
Til then.. peace and love.. XOXO
WoW! Way to put it all out there, Gillian. I admire you for utilizing a blog to vent and explore yourself. I wish I had all the "boundry" answers for you, but unfortunately, I am one of those women who is still dusting off hidden boundries (and repairing a few too). I am, however, very BLESSED to have a good man that doesn't take advantage of my soft spots that I don't even recognize sometimes. I pray that you heal well and someone out there will be BLESSED by you. Smooches xoxoxoxo
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